Yom HaShoah

As I look at the daffodils, I remember.

The only flower in my garden is the daffodil, and I plant more every year... I do this not only for their obvious beauty, but because the sight of one reminds me each spring to remember.

I remember the Martyrology as delivered by two survivors, who were members of my congregation as I was growing up. I remember their stories, which always included those who did not make it. I remember the tears on the faces of the adults when I was a young child and could not understand. I remember the tears on my face as I began to understand. I've not been able to face the museum here in DC, but I remember.

May the Eternal hear our silent tears, as we remember and work toward a day when Never Again is just a memory and not our battle cry as we work to protect all those being slain for the crime of being different.

Shalom. I remember.

Begin Anew

(started 2010-09-16)

"We may lose and we may win, though we will never be here again" - Eagles - Take It Easy (1972)

Time and space. Relevance. Significance. Renewal.

The Eagles song, "Take it Easy", reminds us that we won't be here again. Where is here? Modern GPS units can give Latitude and Longitude, and some Altitude. A nice set of 3 coordinates that can precisely pinpoint your location, or can it? Here is a difficult concept. There have been many great books written just on the concept, such as "Be Here Now" (Ram Das 1971). Where here becomes more than just about physical location, but also about present moment.

At the present moment, is a new year. Every new year, we're given the chance to think about how we're going to change, what we're going to change, how we can be better. Every new year we make plans, resolutions, promises, commitments to ourselves and others. Why do we do this? What is our drive? The answer is that ingrained in each of us is the fear of time. Time is passing, Time is moving forward, are we keeping pace with Time? A fear, most real inside of us.

This fear is part of what drives us, even if we fail to acknowledge it.

(continued 2014-03-14)

Fear is what causes us to hold tight to despair.  Fear is what allows us to deceive ourselves into thinking we're not falling for the traps we set in our own road.  Fear is what makes us want to be better, and yet fear is what keeps us from pursuing that state of being better.  Fear is the demon inside that torments us and keeps us from our change.  Worse, fear is how we let others control our lives for us.

My fear is keeping me trapped in cycles that are causing me to be unhealthy.  I'm making decisions and keeping attachments that I know are holding me back from the changes I must make.  I'm letting the past continue to hold me.  As a Seeker, I must begin the process of removing this fear, or I will never Find.  I must move forward, or I do not Seek.

The ancient song washes over me, and I feel it anew...
I look once more to the mountains, and wonder what is The Source that will help me.  I shall be given aid from The Divine, Creator of Worlds. 

...אֶשָּׂא עֵינַי...אֶשָּׂא עֵינַי

Shalom, Ya'akov

Circle

Those who've known me for years, they know that I am in the last month before my Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur)... (what a misnomer* that is, but English is English). As such, I find myself with much thoughts about the past, the future, changes, constants, and other meaningful and meaningless subjects.

But one thing I remember for the congregation I was a member of in my youth, was this song that would be heard at least once during the 'Days of Awe' (High Holy Days) I wanted to share it with folks, some of you already know it - there's nothing inherently religious about it, but then it could also be considered inherently religious.

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/harry_chapin/circle.html

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* Why is it a misnomer? Because the name implies a falseness. It implies that there is only one day for which a person will be atoned. I do not think, for even a moment, that there is only one day set aside for this miracle.

Shema Yisrael...

{originally posted on http://www.seekersofsilence.net/news/shemayisrael}

{Please note that this page contains a name for the Source, if you decide to print it out, please treat it with respect}

This discussion is based on the translation of "Adonai echod" as being "the Lord is One," as opposed to "the Lord alone."

For more information - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shema_Yisrael

Translations and Hebrew were lifted from http://www.jewfaq.org/prayer/shema.htm - which contains the fullness of the prayer as it exists in many siddurs, please visit Tracey R. Rich's site. Unfortunately the request is made not to reproduce for anything other than personal, educational, non-commercial use "but may NOT be reproduced on other websites". As soon as I can replace the graphics I shall, however the transliterations and the translations are "common knowledge" items.

Background

Sh'ma Yis'ra'eil Adonai Eloheinu Adonai echad.
Hear, Israel, the Lord is our G-d, the Lord is One.


I continue to feel that this is not nearly enough....

"The Lord is One" trips me every time. I want to go one and say more. I don't feel it's enough to proclaim the Oneness of the Eternal. I feel the need to say MORE in that one line than what exists there currently. I know that there's much following that we also recite when saying the Shema as a prayer, but those verses from Torah aren't adding the two words I feel are needed to truly express my heartfelt understanding in prayer.

First, why add to what is in the Torah?
I do not wish to add to what is found in Deuteronomy 6:4. That is Torah, and should remain as such. Yes, I know this prayer is lifted from The Scroll, but still, I've seen already some additions in our prayer form for the Shema that's not direct from this section of Deuteronomy.

What addition?

In many siddurs you will see the line:

Barukh sheim k'vod malkuhuto l'olam va'ed

Blessed be the Name of His glorious kingdom for ever and ever. This addition interrupts the passage we are reciting from and gives us the form of prayer. Without this, I would simply have left alone and nodded to this being a recitation from a parshah of Torah.

But I would like to add to the prayer form. My heart surges when I say the Shema, and it wants to append to "The Lord is One" that "The Lord is All."

The Lord is ALL

Is G-d separate from that which G-d created? I can't see this as being possible, for I was taught "G-d is everywhere." If I broaden my view, and allow these thoughts to run in their various tangents, it presents a myriad of possibilities.

I am reminded that a Torah Scholar searches for meaning, not just in the letters, but in the spaces around the letters (a corollary of "meaning, not just in the words, but the silences between" from which we get our name).

Science teaches that atoms are the building blocks of our universe, but there are spaces even around atoms. Such spaces are important. It is my conjecture that G-d is both in the atom, and in the spaces around the atom. Thus each item that we see has G-d in it.

Yes, this can be a dangerous road. Care must be taken to ensure that one does not grab an apple and say "This contains G-d, therefore I shall worship it." Simply for the fact that the Divine is IN something does not mean that the Divine is limited or constrained to that object, for is not G-d everywhere? This means IN as well as AROUND as well as ON all at the same time. This is a mighty definition for such a small word in English as "all." In fact, it may be easier for us to view that we and everything we perceive is IN G-d. Surely the thought that Universe is part of G-d is not too much of a stretch?

There will be many more thoughts on this, and I will refine as I have time, but this is the roughest sketch I can make, and I only make it so I don't forget what I heard echoing back from that little voice that is my soul.

Current Musings - 18th of Sh'vat 5770

{originally posted on http://www.seekersofsilence.net/news/editme-1}

"Get back your faith again, you have the power to believe, another dissident, take back your evidence, it has no power to deceive." - Heaven by Live

"I'm alive for you. I'm awake because of you." - Awake by Godsmack

Why is it that when listening to something I tend only to catch a few elements and then those elements are all that resonate?

For over a week whenever I brought Modeh Ani (a morning prayer) into my mind, I heard the line from Godsmack. Every time I hear someone telling me how they've ceased to believe in a greater power, there's Live echoing in my head.

Lately though, there's been a huge change in my life. I spent many years living on a precipice of faith. Part of my soul swinging toward the ancient ways of the Celts, part swinging toward a shamanic view of the world, and the rest of me barely holding to the traditions of my youth. This let me be very open minded about other peoples view points, but I was closed to the view Judaism as anything but a remnant.

I thought of Jews as very closed minded and lost my faith. I kept looking at media evidence, and failed to realize that religions can grow. I finally thought I had found a new path that others hadn't walked that would allow me to marry my pagan ways to a Jewish tradition I loved. Amazingly, as I'm describing it to my mother, she tells me such already exists.

A bit more research, and yes, there's a small minority of Jews that heed the voice of Shekeinah. A bit more research shows that there are Jews that recognize the four elements of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. I allow myself to wake up anew.

Before talking to my mother, and doing this research, I had thought to see if I could find those who thought like me, and sway them to joining me in my home for quiet Shabbat morning services and Torah discussion. Now I know there's groups of the meeting, and it's my job to find those groups, not create them.

I feel as if I can truly take back my faith again. As if I can call myself a Jew, and mean it once more. No longer am I a Pagan Jew, now I am simply a Jewish Mystic. I see the glorious divinity that surrounds me, and I can embrace it as I always wished, and feel it embracing me. This is what allowed me to wake up and wish to sing prayers.